I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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