Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
