Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
