Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
