You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
