so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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