what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
