by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
