I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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