Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
