just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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foreskin is a definite game changer
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
