Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
