I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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