im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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