that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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