I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
