Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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