when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
