Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize