How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's the barista slut.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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