it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
