my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
