I think i peed on brittanys purse
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
