The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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