I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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