remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it's like iHOP with fire
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
