she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
