So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
