so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize