just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
