I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
