Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
