I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
