I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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