She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
