just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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