sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
