i need an iv and a liver transplant
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."