Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
