Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.