Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not