Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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