Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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