I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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