btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
