I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
