I hate all girls vehemently.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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