we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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