I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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