New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
