I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
