he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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