Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
