There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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