I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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