my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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