i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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