Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
