My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
