My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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