i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
