Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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