So gin and wine won't be happening again
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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