we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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