Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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