Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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