i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
