Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
