you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
