I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
