turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
