you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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