I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
