Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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