cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
