her vagine was all disorganized.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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