i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm like, not good at living.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
