You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
