he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
