Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
