Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
