I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
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We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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