They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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